The funniest email I’ve ever received

Dave and I are planning to take our respective families on a joint vacation to Disney World this summer. We’ve never vacationed together before (well, Dave and I have, when we were kids, but our two families haven’t), and we have very different styles when it comes to vacation planning. In writerly terms, I’m a vacation plotter, and he’s a vacation pantser. He takes a much more laid-back approach to vacation planning than I do. That’s all well and good, but with Disney World, if you want to get the GOOD dining reservations, you have to book them 180 days prior to the first day of your vacation, promptly at 6AM EST when the dining reservation system comes online for the day. I’d been bugging Dave nearly non-stop about this, desperate to know if he’d made his resort reservation, thus allowing him to make the coveted ADR (Disney-speak for “advanced dining reservation”) for Cinderella’s Royal Table. I let him know that we had an 11:25 AM ADR for Chef Mickey’s, a 6:40 PM ADR for Cinderella’s Royal Table, along with a couple of other ADRs. After many pestering emails from me, here was his response:

From David Fraser

To Me

Feb 22 at 6:51 AM

Holy crap, this is early for a Saturday. I don’t know if I’ll be able to get back to sleep now. Thanks a lot, Mickey Mouse. Anyway, you’re probably wondering how I made out with the dining reservations. Since I’m so grumpy (Which, by the way, is the name of one of Snow White’s seven dwarf friends. I’m not sure if you knew that or not. There are, as one might assume, six others. I’m not sure if I can name all of them. Let’s find out: Grumpy, Doc, Dopey (The only one without a beard.), Sneezy, Sleepy, Happy (I think that’s one of them.), and Thorin Oakenshield. Okay, so I came up one short. Let’s consult Wikipedia in another window…Bashful. That doesn’t really describe Thorin at all. I was way off. And it turns out that Happy is correct. That’s all I can think of for my dwarf discussion. If I think of anything else, I’ll parenthesis-interrupt again.) about getting up so early, I’m going make you read a lot of garbage before I get to the part you really want to know. I think I mentioned my flood in a previous email. “Flood” might be overselling the situation. There is a leak/multiple leaks in the wall of the utility room in our basement and we had a considerable amount of water (Which, by the way, is where mermaids live. We picked up The Little Mermaid on DVD several months back and it’s become a family favourite (Do you like how I used the British spelling? We’ve been watching a lot of Doctor Who the last few days.). This might be because we’re swayed by Cale’s obsession or it might be because it’s just a darn good movie. I remember liking it a lot when it came out. My favorite part was the chef’s song. The chef, of course, would later become Odo on ST:DS9.He’d make a good guest for Roc-Con. Speaking of which, did you see that weird Doctor Who post on the Roc-Con Facebook page? What the heck was that all about?) entering the house, but I wouldn’t go so far as to call it a flood. This is only because of my manly skill with a wet-dry shop-vac, which I wielded like a mofo (Is this correct? Or should it be hyphenated? Which looks correct: mofo, mo-fo. The hyphen there fell at the right margin, causing the fo to be carried over to the next line. That looks terrible. Therefore, my personal preference is mofo. I don’t think Strunk & White dealt with this particular word. While I’ve said the word countless times (actual count: 74), I don’t think I’ve ever written it before.) for several hours. We don’t have a sump basin/pump (I like the phrase “sump pump.” I’d like to use it somewhere in Manny 2. My first instinct is that Aiden’s dad should be fighting some basement water (I can definitely write that part.), but upon further reflection, I’d like Magic Ian to have a monologue about sump pumps. Don’t ask me what that means. I have no idea.), so I had to run to the hardware store and get a pump that works off of a flat surface. It needs about 1/8 inch of water to work properly and the water had this habit of spreading out into a layer that was too thin. Also, I took the hose from our garage, but it was blocked with frozen water inside. I had to hook it up to a spigot on our water heater and melt it. I put some towels down to try to create a sort of reservoir and get the 1/8 inch. It worked fairly well, but the towels became saturated and some water began leaking through. So at that point, it was a pump/shop-vac joint effort. By mid-afternoon, the water wasn’t coming in as fast. Of course, in the middle of all this, I had my scheduled phone call with Rebecca K. I just noticed that the sun’s coming up. Man, I’m tired. So I guess it’s about time to give you the results of my Disney reservation experience. First of all, I didn’t try for the Tusker (Which, by the way, looks a lot like “Tusken.” They should totally copy that restaurant in Hollywood Studios with a Tatooine theme.) House or SciFi House (I know it’s not called that, but I don’t know what it’s called and I had just typed “Tusker House,” so I was on a roll.). For lunches, we usually just grab a slice of pizza or a hot dog (Or, if we were at the Tusken House, a grilled Bantha burger.) or something quick and easy like that. My kids aren’t much for sit-down places. Well, Katie’s good with it now, but not so much in the past. So my plan was to try for Cinderella’s Royal House and Chef Mickey’s House. I also need to schedule a Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique session in the castle, but it looks like that’s done only over the phone. To make a long story short (Too late.), we have a 6:40 reservation at Cinderella’s and an 11:25 at Mickey’s.

Yup, we'll be dining here!

Yup, we’ll be dining here!

And that, my friends, is the funniest email I’ve ever received. What’s your funniest email story?

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About HFBrainerd

Published novelist and Disney World fanatic. Thanks for coming along on this wild ride!
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4 Responses to The funniest email I’ve ever received

  1. Heather, that made me laugh out loud! I love the spelling of favourite, and if your brother is looking for any British alternatives to mo-fo (personally I prefer the hyphen 🙂 ) let me know!

  2. Heather, sounds like you’ll have a great Disney vacation. Is David this talkative in person?

    I am definitely a vacation plotter. My husband goes along with me but he would be more like David.

    • HFBrainerd says:

      Hi Susan! No, he’s not quite this talkative in person. Unless you get him talking about Doctor Who. Or Star Wars. Or baseball. Or one of his many other interests. Okay, maybe he is this talkative!
      I think being a vacation plotter is fun – it heightens the anticipation. 🙂

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